BEWARE THE BISCUIT

A hilarious article from The Times about Biscuits, and other deadly British institutions.

An estimated 25 million adults have been injured while eating during a tea or coffee break, with at least 500 landing themselves in hospital. Putting this into perspective, this makes having a biccie a more perilous activity than pot-holing, drag-racing, waterfall-punching, or auto-asphyxiation in a hotel room at 4am, off your face on minibar Bacardi Breezers.

For those who, now querulous, wish to keep their biscuit-risk to a minimum, it is useful to note that the Custard Cream is apparently the most dangerous biscuit, with a rigorously scientific-looking Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation rating of 5.63. It’s practically a sandwich made of guns. The Jaffa Cake, meanwhile — you may be soothed to note — scores, in comparison, a mere 1.16; making it the safest biscuit to offer to a child, or a congenital idiot.

For the love of God, man, just put down the biscuit. You can thank me later.

That's Racist!

Political correctness gone loco:

Dozens of quangos and taxpayer-funded organisations have ordered a purge of common words and phrases so as not to cause offence.

Among the everyday sayings that have been quietly dropped in a bid to stamp out racism and sexism are “whiter than white”, “gentleman’s agreement”, “black mark” and “right-hand man”.

So here I am, drinking a nice cup of black dark Joe gender neutral, color non-specific caffeine juice when, suddenly, I am outraged by even more insane political correctness.

*Note* If you don't know what quango means, it's because you're awesome American.