ELF Terrorists Not Too Bright

Chelsea Gerlach, ELF genius.

Apparently, and here's the evidence:

Even as the Earth Liberation Front - a shadowy group of eco-terrorists that took credit for the Vail fires of 1998 - has eluded authorities for years, newly released evidence suggests some of the group's efforts have been plagued by almost slapstick gaffes.

In one case, members driving on a mission to burn down a federal research facility in western Washington stopped along the way to shoplift some needed supplies from a big box hardware store. The plan was interrupted when one of the members was arrested for stealing sponges and a flashlight.

For good measure, they disguised their activities in the following way:

The affidavit also reveals the members frequently used code words, both for themselves and for equipment. Some members were referred to as geographical areas, such as "India" or "Seattle." Rodgers, a suspect allegedly tied to the Vail arsons, went by "Avalon." Timing devices were referred to as can openers, shot glasses or burgers.

Rather than an ideologically committed band of earth-friendly do-gooders, these people really amount to nothing more than disgruntled anarchists with too much time on their hands. If they were so ecologically minded, they would have walked instead of driving to their intended targets. As with all humans-are-evil idiots, they succeeded only in damaging property (that in the Vail case was eventually rebuilt anyway) and undermining the efforts of the so-called mainstream environmentals, who tend to get lumped in--deservedly so--with these jackasses. Well done!